Perspective

I heard on the radio the other day that a person needs to keep 3 things in order to make it through any trial. Faith...perspective..and a sense of humor. Perspective is the easiest thing to hang onto in the NICU (unless you have the sickest baby in the whole place, then you're in trouble with that one). You are surrounded by tiny babies, sickly babies, teary-eyed parents and somber doctors. And yet, no matter where you rank in the "how sick is your baby" conversation, I find that people are completely compassionate. Everyone seems to sense that somebody, somewhere, is in worse shape than they are. I hear parents swapping stories that make me want to cry...and then listen to them comfort each other and sometimes even congratulate each other. We are, after all, new parents...for however long we've got. I'm grateful for the perspective as I think it mostly blocks out the desire to completely flip out that often rears its ugly head. Faith, well, that one's easy. When you've seen the miracles I've seen...let's just say that one's rock solid about now. Humor, that's another story. I'm not sure that we'll ever look back on this one and laugh.

The results of Emmett's CT Angioscan were pretty conclusive for the doctors. No abnormalities were found in his blood and no clots. They determined that his aortic arch was narrowed in two spots (instead of one like we had thought) and that he would, in fact, require heart surgery. The PPHN seems to have "resolved" they said, although they still have him on a bit of oxygen therapy and small doses of medication, just in case. We have spent a little less than a week waiting for the surgery, having already been slated to have it once and being bumped from the schedule for a more critical case. We got over it pretty quick, primarily because Emmett is so easily rescheduled because he is in such stable shape and babies who need emergency surgery need it for a reason. You don't want your baby to be at the top of the surgery list in the NICU. In the meantime, Emmett is learning to eat from a bottle, hold up his head, watch his new mobile (thanks to Jessica and Andrew) and listen to music. He enjoys sitting up and spends more and more time awake, much to the delight of mom and dad and grandparents too.

I try to avoid thinking too hard about the surgery itself but its almost impossible. Open heart surgery is a huge deal for anyone, although his doctors do multiple surgeries like this every day. We are lucky to have the most amazing cardiothorasic surgeon, Dr. Hanley, to perform Emmett's coarc repair and arch reconstruction. He couldn't be in better hands. Literally. He will have to go on a heart-lung bypass machine which will pump his blood and oxygenate it for him so that the heart can be stopped while they operate on it. I think the technology involved is absolutely amazing and I am so grateful for it...but when I want to feel better I imagine myself taking a big hammer to that bypass machine and smashing it to pieces. After the surgery is successful of course....

Emmett is scheduled to be Hanley's second surgery tomorrow, so we are keeping our fingers crossed that nothing happens to bump him from the schedule. Until then...we wait..and pray...and wait. And we thank God immensely that Emmett is not on the top of the list.